I’m not going to lie: we took a couple of massive Ls in start/sit last week. This is the redemption arc of the anime. 

Some highlights: Tre Tucker scored 0.0 fantasy points after I said to start him but also said “...but I’m telling you we’ve been here with Tre Tucker before and I promise this won’t continue” (ouch). Omar Cooper Jr., meanwhile, scored 0.0 fantasy points on zero targets after I called him a league winner and drove the Omar Cooper Jr. bandwagon directly off a cliff. The worst one, though? I said to start Will Reichard, who is a KICKER, which I threw in at the end of the column basically as a joke … and then he scored 0.0 fantasy points! Wow!

It’s important to learn from your mistakes, which leads into this week’s intro gimmick: learning in fantasy football. What are the lessons we’ve learned so far this year? Is there anything we must write on our walls like we’re Anthony Hopkins in Red 2 trying to remember how to design a superweapon? (Wow, that’s a niche reference. Has anyone even seen that movie other than me?)

Trick question: the best lesson to learn from a fantasy football season is to learn nothing. Week to week in a single season, there are things to glean and analyze, which is why I write these columns. But season over season? Like … stuff to remember for next year? Just forget everything. We have no idea which offenses will be effective coming into the year; no clue how receivers will be utilized or how backfield splits will look. If you remembered how awesome Rico Dowdle was last year, it would have prevented you from drafting Jaylen Warren this year … How's that going? Always remember that this is glorified guesswork — but glorified, and fantasy football is glorious. On with start/sit for Week 9, because I will definitely glorifiably guesswork these better than last time!

Start: WR Stefon Diggs, Washington Commanders

The Commanders will be without Terry McLaurin for the rest of the season, but I have no questions about Jayden Daniels’ ability to run a competent offense without him; the ball will just be going elsewhere. Mostly, it will be going to Stefon Diggs, who looks better and better every week, proving again that the theory of being two years removed from an ACL tear is when a player can really make the fullest impact on their return. I think you can start Diggs this week and going forward as a fine WR2/flex option.

Start: RB Ashton Jeanty, Las Vegas Raiders

I take courage in both hands telling you to start Ashton Jeanty after he was out-carried 25 to 2 in Week 8, but I refuse to believe the Raiders have hardcore benched the guy they selected sixth overall last year. That would just be a cataclysmic misuse of resources, and I’m leaning toward the “he needed a mental reset” reason for whatever that was. However, there is a real risk associated with Jeanty since this coaching staff did not draft him — there’s a chance that Klint Kubiak simply doesn’t see it with Jeanty, who certainly had his detractors in the pre-draft process. But is he really just going to be a third-down back? I doubt it.

Sit: RB Mike Washington Jr., Las Vegas Raiders

Going hand in hand with the previous recommendation, I’d advise against going nuts and starting Mike Washington Jr. UNLESS IT’S AN EMERGENCY, in which case you could probably do quite a bit worse than hoping Washington actually is the starter. This is one of those “how big a risk do you have to take?" situations. Running back is a hellscape in fantasy this year, so if you must pray on Jeanty’s downfall and start Washington in your RB2 spot, it’s not a completely insane investment thesis. It’s still … moderately insane, so I’d try to avoid it.

Start: QB Jared Goff, Detroit Lions

Did you guys know that Jared Goff is the QB8 in fantasy football this year? Me neither! The Lions offense remains the perfect fantasy football environment, and even a lot of Jahmyr Gibbs touchdowns wind up benefiting Goff, who has repeatedly shown he can put up stats through dump offs, downfield shots and a general Death Star of weapons with which he can print fantasy points. Wins are a quarterback stat? Maybe, but quarterbacks are a wide receiver stat. Goff is a function of his offense, and right now that function is cash money.

Start: RB Jonah Coleman, Denver Broncos 

In an effort not to have my top waiver wire add burn me again, I’m not going to say we should all throw Jonah Coleman-themed parties and elect him President of the United Jonah Coleman Provinces and accept nothing less than 35+ points per week. I’m just going to say you can and should start Jonah Coleman going forward every week this year. No RJ Harvey since he’s on IR, and it looks like J.K. Dobbins has mostly been factored out of the offense. It’s Jonah Coleman season.

Sit: WR Makai Lemon, Philadelphia Eagles

I was hoping for quite a bit more out of Lemon this season, who just hasn’t been visually or statistically impressive whatsoever this season after he was the draft pick to replace A.J. Brown for the Eagles. With Joe Milton III taking over as quarterback, there’s a chance that this Eagles passing offense gets out of … like, negative -3rd gear, but there’s also a chance it gets worse. Remember kids: it can always get worse.

Sit: RB Aaron Jones Jr., Minnesota Vikings

I think I may have jinxed Aaron Jones, who has not only been ineffective since I offhandedly included him in the Week 7 Speed Round coming off the bye, he’s actually losing his place in the offense altogether. Jordan Mason’s return has stunted his snap share, and now we have DeeJay Dallas to worry about? I’m not sure Jones is healthy, and so I’m really not sure if you should play him. You know what? Just … don’t. 

Start: RB Zach Charbonnet, RB Jadarian Price

With how rough RB is this year, I’ve officially decided you can start both Seahawks running backs against a horrendous Cardinals defense, as Seattle will be without Sam Darnold in Week 9. That should be a heavy run script, and both Price and Charbonnet looked fine in Week 8, completely icing poor Emanuel Wilson out of the offense, to the chagrin of anyone who needed 0.1 points out of him on Monday Night Football. Not that … I’d know anything about that.

Sit: WR Jalen Coker, Carolina Panthers

I’m officially out on the Carolina Panthers passing offense, whose offensive line looks like it might be able to pass protect for an M1 Abrams tank and that’s about it. Coker was bailed out by a random broken-ish touchdown on Thursday night but otherwise would have probably scored negative points, as his only other catch resulted in a hook-and-ladder attempt fumble on the last play of the game. Against Denver? I’m good. 

Speed Round

Start: RB Breece Hall OR RB Braelon Allen, New York Jets

If Breece Hall plays, start him and not Braelon Allen. If he doesn’t, start Allen. These are the genius-level insights you read for.

Sit: All Buccaneers pass catchers

Baker Mayfield completed seven passes for 64 yards and zero passes for zero yards in the last two weeks. Do you really need more information?

Start: QB Malik Willis, Miami Dolphins

It may not be pretty, but in a tight spot, Willis may be able to get you some points against the Lions defense. 

Start: K Chase McLaughlin, Tampa Bay Buccaneers

I’m going to start including a kicker at the end of these just because it’s funny. Chase McLuaghlin is the K1 on the year. Cool.