If UFC matchmakers decide that Ilia Topuria vs. Paddy Pimblett is best for business, then “El Matador” will be happy to headline the promotion’s next numbered event on Paramount+ in early 2027.

Since Topuria is the biggest star in the history of the sport, and perhaps the history of the world, that billing would force current lightweight champion, Justin Gaethje, into the co-main event. Unfortunately, that’s the price you pay when you’re a “nobody” with absolutely no say in any important decision.

Perhaps Gaethje should pull the trigger on retirement and save himself the humiliation of playing second banana.

“He won’t have any say in absolutely anything,” Topuria, 29, told Álvaro Colmenero (via ABC.es). “He doesn’t call any shots. This is between the UFC and me. Whatever we decide, whatever’s best for us, that’s what Justin will do. Justin is a nobody. Imagine, if I fight Paddy, Justin even as the champion would have to be the co-main event. Who could you match him with that would be bigger than my fight with Paddy?”

I think Topuria forgot he quit on the stool after Gaethje broke his face in the UFC White House main event.

Topuria was just as flattering in his assessment of Pimblett, insisting “The Baddy” is just … bad.

“I’ll eat him up like the sausage he is,” Topuria (17-1) continued. “With that head of his, just throw a punch in his direction and you’ll hit him. He’s someone you can dominate. You can dominate him comfortably. He has a sausage body and thinks being big will give him an advantage. What are you going to do? Fight me on the feet? He’s not like Justin. Justin is a dog. Paddy has absolutely nothing. Paddy doesn’t have a punch that puts you to sleep. Paddy doesn’t have unexpected takedowns. Paddy doesn’t have submissions out of nowhere. Paddy is very predictable. You can see everything he’s trying to do.”

That’s probably why Topuria saw that flying bottle of hand sanitizer before it made contact.

Maybe Topuria can create another overly-produced short film for his son’s journey after fighting Pimblett.