The corner comes to nowt, but in possession, United’s players are constantly alone and surrounded, with Bouernemouth’s in space.

Again, Bournemouth come at United, Tielemans robbed, and they’ve cut through so easily, Rayan one on one with Maguire. Kluivert is square, too, but he opts to shoot, Maguire blocking with a long barrier cricket-type stop.

“You’ve just done a rundown on the United team,” begins Robert Hisnay. “Isn’t that a sorry starting 11? The question has to be asked: are they relegation contenders? Unlike 2025 when they finished 15^th and the three newly-promoted teams were abysmal, this season only Coventry City look likely for relegation. So, who are the two clubs worse than United? And for now I’ll leave the Manchester City situation off the table as the appeals and proceedings are unknown.”

As they often have in the Post-Fergie Wilderness Years^TM, United actually have the bones of a good team. Lammens is good, Bruno is elite, while Yoro, Baleba, Mainoo and Sesko have elite potential, and Mbeumo and Cunha are good Premier League players.

Carrick is, of course, partly responsible for his own situation, but he’s also had rotten luck within injuries; if i’m betting, I don’t think he’s in the job much longer, but if he is, it’s because things have got better, and if he isn’t, I’d expect whoever takes over to make things better because it’s not possible to get much less out of this squad and, as Carrick showed last season, it’s definitely possible to extract very much more.

Email! “You can’t be serious, Daniel,” begins Matt Walker. “I’ve been watching United for 26 years and we’ve never had a more petulant player on the field. I think the veil slipped more than anything ‘broke him’. He’s a bad teammate and never was captain material. He never would’ve been in position to be captain if the club was run even half decently.”

Bruno has carried United for the best part of a decade; is it even arguable to the contrary? In that time, he’s barely missed a game despite being the busiest player in world football, playing through injuries, setting standards – in training every day, as well on matchday – while cementing himself as perhaps the best creator around. And like Roy Keane, who those on the outside said was a bad captain because they interpreted his communication style in a particular way, the lads he pays with love and respect him.

So where is that game? I’d expect Brighton to see weakness down Liverpool’s left, where Van Dijk isn’t what he was – expect to see attackers run at and off him – and Kerkez lack discipline and focus, while Barcola is much better going forwards than backwards. I really like Charalampos Kostoulas, and and I’d expect Brighton to play into him with runners going past, but also looking to hit him with crosses and cut-backs.

Liverpool, I think, will want to get Barcloa running at Kadioglu, with Kerkez backing him up, while Writz floats seeking to prod Isak through to take snap-shots – his accuracy and power is elevated by how quickly he assesses situations and introduces laces to ball. I also wonder if they look to go at Andres, who is good in the tackle but lack a bit of mobility.

Now to Anfield, where Rio Ngumoha is benched despite an electrifying display against Villarreal on Tuesday night; Victor Munoz is injured, but his right-wing berth goes to Cody Gakpo, with Bradley Barcola, improved in recent games, on the left. Otherwise, Ryan Gravenberch, back from suspension, is in for the injured Dominik Szoboszlai.

Bournemouth, meanwhile, will know that on one side, United will have a defender playing out of position. I’m sure they’ll hope to double up down whichever side it is, with Evanilson running off Maguire and Tavernier staying pretty wide, looking to put ball into the box, while Rayan and Kluivert look to run af defenders and attack the area from a little deeper.

Defensively, Adams and Cook will patrol the central area from which United like to create, with Smith, on the right, playing a little deeper than Truffert, on the left.

Otherwise, Carrick goes for ballast in the midfield, with Andrey Santos and Carlos Baleba, which makes sense, but in front of him, there’s a palpable lack of magic. Matheus Cunha, hooked at half-time in Como, drops out, with Amad one of the least dreadful when he came on, coming in on the right. His numbers tell us he’s not the standard required, but he offers good out-of-possession work and gives the team balance, such as it is, the only dribbles in a team severely lacking one v one ability.

Otherwise, Mason Mount, every manager’s favourite, is relocated to the left, while Bryan Mbeumo continues up front in the absence of Benjamin Sesko – which tells us plenty about what Carrick thinks of Joshua Zirkzee, despite his goal in midweek.

Taking a closer look at the United team, Leny Yoro is back after his midweek suspension. Before it, he looked, finally, to have established himself in the first XI and, though he’s a centre-back, I expect he’ll play right-back today, with Ayden Heaven, back in after illness, taking the spot in the centre next to Harry Maguire. That’s because he’d never previously played left-back until forced to fill the spot away to Atletico – one of various things that so exercised Martinez. But now that you don’t ask, I’d probably stick him there again, to get Yoro into his position – he’s actually done better on the left of the two than on the right – and so Digo dalot can play on his natural side. We shall see.

Hull City (5-4-1): Tzolakis; Coyle, Ajayi, Egan, Herrington, Giles; Belloumi, Iroegbunam, Slater, Stroud; McBurnie. Subs: Phillips, Morita, Thomas, Gelhardt, McNair, Norton-Cuffy, Crooks, Vaz, Cho.

Brentford 4-2-3-1): Kelleher; Kayode, Van den Berg, Ajer, Hickey; Sangaré, Jensen; Ouattara, Schade, Lewis-Potter; Thiago. Subs: Valdimarsson, Wilson, Anthony, Collins, Damsgaard, Diouf, Nunes, Schuster, Fredrick.

Marco Rose says the last three games have passed and his team need to prove themselves again. He’s been in the business long enough to know this could be a good moment to play United, but also a bad one if the players want to turn the noise down.

As a club they need to get used to the new demands of the Europa League so he needs to use his squad, but i’s good to have Junior Kroupi back, as though he’s not yet 100%, he decides game and is good to have in the locker room.

Old Trafford is a difficult place to play, but Bournemouth are confident and know what do, it’s just about executing now.

Crystal Palace (3-4-2-1): Benitez; Richards, Disasi, Canvot; Khakaili, Wharton, Kamada, Mitchell; McNeil, Pino; Mateta.Subs: Matthews, Lerma, Mingueza, Hughes, Doucoure, Chilwell, Osorio, Guessand, Nketiah.

Newcastle United (4-2-3-1): Hornicek; Dedic, Schar, Burn, Hall; Gonzalez, Joelinton; Murphy, Willock, Barnes; Osula. Subs: Pope, Botman, Bamba, Wissa, Thiaw, Steur, Toure, Elanga, Ramsey.

Liverpool (4-2-3-1): Alisson; Araujo, Jacquet, Van Dijk, Kerkez; Mac Allister, Gravenberch; Barcola, Wirtz, Gakpo; Isak. Subs: Mamardashvili, Gomez, Endo, Chiesa, Tsimikas, Nyoni, McConnell, Koumas, Ngumoha.

Brighton & Hove Albion (4-2-3-1): Verbruggen; Kadioglu, Vuskovic, Dunk, Boscagli; Andres, Gross; Gomez, Ayari, De Cuyper; Kostoulas. Subs: Steele, Hadjam, Hinshelwood, Rutter, Promise, Osman, Costinha, O’Riley, Yalcouye.

Carrick tells Sky that you’ve got options when picking a team, it’s always a difficult decision and they had to make one in the best interests of the team. Asked if it’s because of what he said or how he’s playing, he replies with “Pure football.”

Lisandro Martinez isn’t ready yet, he continues, Heaven was ill but has played well and United have strong options off the bench.

He wants United to play with humility and endeavour, Bournemouth are a really good team and United will have to play well to get a result. They want to flip the run and win a game and today is a good day to do that.

Manchester United (4-2-3-1): Lammens; Yoro, Maguire, Heaven, Dalot Santos, Baleba; Amad, Tielemans, Mount; Mbeumo. Subs: Darlow, De Ligt, Martinez, Mazraoui, Bruno Fernandes, T. Fletcher, Cunha, Lacey, Zirkzee.

AFC Bournemouth (4-2-3-1): Petrovic; Smith, Hill, Silva, Truffert; Adams, Cook; Rayan, Kluivert, Tavernier; Evanislson. Subs: Soler, Brooks, Di Gregorio, Christie, Gannon-Doak, Diakité, Adli, Kroupi, Rodríguez.

Reports from Old Trafford, broadcast by Sky, advise us that Bruno Fernandes has been dropped by Michael Carrick.

We don’t know if it’s for consistent poor form or midweek insubordination – it could be either or both – but either way, it’s a shame it’s come to this. Ultimately, United have broken Bruno, who’s dedicated his career to elevating a club that has consistently let him down, and though he was out of line in what he said after Como, it didn’t come out of nothing, well earned though his omission is.

An egg walks into a kitchen looking unhappy, so a chef asks what’s up. “It’s the spurtles,” he says. “They beat me.”

“What about the forks?” ventures the chef; “Yes, they beat me too,” comes back the response, so there’s a pause while the chef considers.

“Have you thought about hanging out with Manchester United?” he eventually offers. They don’t beat anyone.”

It’s now almost two months since United won a league game, and that against promoted Ipswich – who now sit five places above them in the table. They did also manage a victory over Sabah, Champions League debutants, but otherwise, their start to the season has been miserable beyond conception, even by their august standards, and is rapidly getting worse. Already, it looks like yet another manager is toast, and this time, perhaps for the first time, there’s no sense of where they could go next.

Just three weeks ago, a home game against Bournemouth was as close to a gimme as possible – even for them. Since then, though, consecutive home wins over Sturm Graz, Sunderland and Milan with eight goals scored and none conceded have flipped the Cherries’ mood and they arrive at Old Trafford with Marco Rose ensconced and the club on a buzz. They’ll fancy this, and really who wouldn’t?

If that was the extent of our afternoon, it’d be plenty, but happily for us, it’s not even close. At Anfield, Liverpool – who’ve also won three on the spin in uplifting fashion – entertain Brighton, already three points clear of third with a game in hand. They’ll know a top-five spot is theirs for the taking and the way they’re playing, who knows what else?

Those two matches will be our focus, but we’ll also be updating from from KC where Hull, who might just be running out of form after a brilliant start, face Brentford while, at Selhurst, Palace meet Newcastle, struggling badly after a promising start under Matthias Jaissle. Or, in other words, this is going to be a lot of fun.

Kick-offs: 2pm GMT, baby