If there was any doubt Australia is in the grip of a sandpaper-induced delirium, it was dispelled during a farcical press conference with their one-day captain Mitchell Marsh.

The visit of England would usually trigger nationwide mockery, especially as it is not yet a year since their Ashes hopes took a turn for the terminal on the second afternoon of the first Test here in Perth.

Not this time. On the eve of the first one-dayer at the Optus Stadium, where England imploded so spectacularly last November, Marsh spent most of his 13 minutes behind the mic attempting to deadbat questions about who knew what during the critical moments of the cheating scandal in South Africa eight years earlier, when he himself played in all four Tests.

He had not, he said, read the Usman Khawaja autobiography which has prompted all of Australia to relitigate Sandpapergate and dominated the headlines ever since England arrived for three ODIs and five T20s. But that didn’t change the fact that local reporters wanted answers – and were not to be deterred in their quest.

He had barely sat down before he was being assailed by a TV reporter: ‘Mitch Marsh, did you know that sandpaper was being used to tamper with cricket balls in South Africa?’

Marsh sarcastically congratulated him for hitting ‘six off the first ball there, mate,’ then replied with a form of words he would rehash repeatedly: ‘Look, there’s obviously been a lot of noise around this week, and I respect that certain people have told their stories.

‘But I’m not here to share mine today. I know that might sound weird, but it’s a big week for us, and it’s an important time for this one-day group. My sole focus has been on preparing for tomorrow.’

That was unlikely to satisfy his inquisitor, and it did not. The queries rained down. Why can’t you – Australia’s captain, for goodness sake – give the people a yes or no? Do people deserve to know if you’ve been keeping this to yourself for eight years? Why didn’t you sign the statement written by the other bowlers saying they knew nothing? Is Khawaja lying?

On the reporter went, like some microphone-wielding Duracell bunny. At one point, he asked Marsh what he thought people would deduce from his refusal to deny Khawaja’s claim that the whole team were in on the scheme. Marsh, who kept his composure, replied: ‘I’m not sure. I guess we’ll find out.’

As likeable a cricketer as any on the international circuit, Marsh was unfortunate in two respects. First, he is the only member of Australia’s 14-man squads for these white-ball matches to have been on the South Africa tour in early 2018. And since captains are obliged to speak the day before a series, he had no choice but to front up.

Second, his appearance came only a few hours after Pat Cummins – implicitly accused by Khawaja, along with all his team-mates, of covering up the fiasco – announced he would be addressing the controversy in Sydney on Friday morning local time.

Now the Test captain, but sitting out these games in preparation for a four-match series at home to New Zealand, Cummins tweeted: ‘I’ve taken some time to try and better understand the long list and full extent of Uzzy’s allegations so I can respond properly.’

A local media outlet immediately called Cummins’s impending appearance ‘one of the most scrutinised press conferences in Australian sporting history’.

Marsh, then, was on a hiding to nothing, since only one of the two men has the authority to speak on behalf of the collective, and it wasn’t him. The upshot was an exercise in humiliation, a hospital pass which left him unclear whether the best bet was to catch the ball or drop it. In the event, he juggled it.

Yet the exchange captured a significant strain of the public mood. While some Australians are getting het up because they believe Khawaja has placed book sales ahead of team loyalty, rather more are scoffing at the official claim that only Steve Smith, David Warner and Cameron Bancroft knew about the plans.

Meanwhile, Todd Greenberg, the chief executive of Cricket Australia, has insisted his organisation are ‘comfortable with the outcome of the investigation based on the information we’ve received’, and sees no ‘compelling reason to open the investigation or revisit this again’.

England, for once, can hardly believe their luck. Until news broke about the contents of Khawaja’s book, the narrative was set to be about the return to Australia of Brendon McCullum and Harry Brook, only 10 months after the Bazballers lost the Ashes 4–1 and the story emerged of Brook’s boozy contretemps with a nightclub bouncer in Wellington while the team were still in New Zealand.

Instead, Brook could cheerfully take refuge in what is clearly England’s party line out here: he wasn’t in the Australian dressing-room at the time, and his focus is all about the cricket. The first was a statement of the bleeding obvious, the second a time-honoured banality. And England will hope it stays that way.

After all, they have spent most of the last year fire-fighting their own crises – from the ill-advised mid-Ashes trip to Noosa, Ben Stokes’s curfew-breaking trip to Chelsea’s Rex Rooms and subsequent resignation, the sacking as Test coach of McCullum, and the arrest of fast bowler Brydon Carse outside a club in Derby.

Now, Khawaja’s decision to tell his side of the story means Brook’s men can lie low as they continue to build for next year’s 50-over World Cup in southern Africa, even without the injured Jacob Bethell and Josh Tongue.

England are going to have to play very badly over the next three weeks if the narrative is to shift away from sandpaper and on to them.