We have ‘intelligence’ from Manchester United, ‘soundings from insiders’ on Man City, and the single biggest story of all from the Daily Star.

It’s a big old day for breaking and broken news.

A case for the defence
Ian Ladyman might just have uncovered an absolute bombshell when it comes to Manchester United’s recruitment plans – not that you’d know it from the calm and collected nature of a truly revelatory Daily Mail column:

‘This was the summer of the United midfield rebuild. There was £70m for Baleba, £50m for Andrey Santos from Chelsea and £35m for Youri Tielemans from Aston Villa. The club have spent upwards of £150m on a new central platform for their team and if it doesn’t work there will be no cavalry coming to sort it all out next year.

‘United are trying to rebuild a squad like people spruce up a house. Bathroom, kitchen, bedroom.

‘The intelligence from inside Old Trafford is that next summer the transfer budget will be spent on the defence.’

After they spent more than £200m on a whole new attack last summer, in which a new keeper was their only other first-team signing, and their entire outlay of more than £150m went on a midfield rebuild in the transfer window just gone, in which a third-choice keeper was their only other first-team signing? Surely not?

That is the sort of ‘intelligence’ only a senior journalist – or someone with a passing knowledge of either a) Manchester United’s transfer philosophy since 2025, or b) patterns – can call upon.

Home comforts
Elsewhere in his Mail column, Ladyman adds:

‘The squad depth available to Maresca also became startlingly clear on Saturday as the Italian rested his first-choice midfielders Elliot Anderson and Enzo Fernandez against Ipswich and still saw his team win comfortably.’

It was 3-2, and thus not exactly slippers and cigars territory.

Smells like preen spirit
Oliver Holt drops the real bombshell on Tuesday morning in the Daily Mail, revealing that ‘soundings from insiders suggest the most likely punishment’ for Manchester City ‘is a swingeing points deduction which will ensure their relegation to the Championship, plus a huge fine’.

Mediawatch can only hope that ‘soundings from insiders’ are as watertight and reliable as ‘the intelligence from inside Old Trafford’.

But an interesting aspect of Holt’s story is the apparent climbdown from his fury of last week.

He writes:

‘City have indeed started the season in stunning form. Even by their own exalted recent standards, winning their opening seven league games, with Pep Guardiola gone and a new manager in Enzo Maresca at the helm, is an impressive feat.’

‘An impressive feat’ now, is it? The sixth of those wins was ‘a hollow triumph’ marked by the ‘preening triumphalism’ and ‘peacock walk’ of players and a manager with ‘no shame or no short-term memory’. What’s changed? Did they mark their win over Ipswich with enough humility and guilt?

It is with no hint of irony that Holt goes on to explain how ‘the desire to humiliate the defeated might satisfy a base instinct but it does very little for the future well-being of the body politic,’ having eviscerated the players – ‘a gang of fools’ – for the mere act of celebrating a win after facing 90 minutes of mockery last week.

‘Yes, there is a blood lust among some for City to be cast into the outer reaches of the football pyramid, but if that were done mid-season, it would effectively void this campaign.’

Well yes. The penny has finally dropped for those who seem to think Manchester City still playing games at all is an affront to the sport.

Two be or not Two be
‘Their celebrations may be muted if, as many expect, they are relegated to League Two at the end of this season’ – Oliver Holt, Daily Mail, October 11.

‘It is unlikely, sources close to the process have told me, that City will face a doomsday scenario of being expelled from the Premier League and forced to start again in League Two at the beginning of next season’ – Oliver Holt, Daily Mail, October 19.

How annoying that ‘sources close to the process’ didn’t let Holt know in time to correct the ‘many’ expecting Manchester City’s demotion last week.

Suspend your disbelief
The biggest story in all of football, however, according to the Daily Mirror, is this:

‘Cristiano Ronaldo suspended by Portugal after walking out following head coach row and fine striker amount he can pay in less than a minute’

And fair play. Anything Ronaldo automatically gets bonus newsworthy points. But it should probably be pointed out that while he has been ‘suspended by Portugal’, a 30-day ban covers precisely zero actual games.

Stars in their eyes
But that is nothing compared to what the Daily Star website deems as the biggest story in all of football as of Tuesday lunchtime, with all the Premier League/Champions League/Manchester City/Cristiano Ronaldo narratives on offer:

‘Emma Louise Jones plunging dress video so hot it makes TV pal Laura Woods ‘melt”

Journalism is thriving.

Vini, vidi, vici
Slightly lower on the Mirror website is another set of eye-catching words crammed into one lovely, easily digestible headline:

‘Jose Mourinho admits Vinicius Junior should’ve joined Arsenal before Real Madrid U-turn’

A star manager. A star player. An admittance. Two popular clubs. A U-turn. Barring the breaking of silences of speaking of volumes, it is unimprovable.

It also contains precisely zero instances of Mourinho mentioning or alluding to Arsenal, which is but a mere obstacle when it comes to tabloid fodder.

Weirdest refusal to use the word ‘game’ of the day
‘Dejan Kulusevski plays first Tottenham clash in 526 days after injury hell’ – The Sun website.

It’s an admittedly niche award, but that is just strange.