Ewan Cameron turned up for the STV Radio Football Podcast, which is more than Hearts managed at Celtic Park.

Cameron knew what was coming before the football chat even started.

Check the full Celtic fixture list for every date and kick-off.

He said: “I’ve had better weekends. I’ve had much better weekends.

“And I’d rather be anywhere but here just now. It’s only because I’m contracted to be here that I’m here.”

Fair play for showing up, because Charters was ready.

The STV host went straight after Cameron’s “no more goals” line, which aged about as badly as Hearts’ high line at Celtic Park.

Charters said: “Before we get to the actual nitty gritty of the football, right, because you’ve had a hard time of it, haven’t you? The last 24 hours. You have made an absolute tit of yourself.

“No more goals for ages. And you’ve tweeted a lot of things, no more goals, that’s come back to bite you.”

Then came the props.

A colouring book for age seven and under. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. A reservation at Celtic’s Number 7 restaurant. A 7-Up.

Charters said: “I’ve got you a membership to Seventh Heaven so you can get p***** all over again.”

Cameron’s response summed up the mood.

He said: “I’m going to f***ing smash you.”

The football chat did not go much better for him.

Cameron admitted Hearts had been a mess, but still tried to frame the game around his side giving Celtic the goals rather than Celtic ripping them apart.

He said: “It was embarrassing, yes. It was shambolic, and defending was atrocious.

“But we gift-wrapped every single goal to Celtic.”

Charters was having none of it.

He said: “Listen to the words you’re saying. You conceded seven goals.”

Celtic did not scrape a win. They put seven past a Hearts side who arrived at Parkhead talking about staying in a title race and left eight points behind the champions.

Callum Osmand scored twice on his first start. Camilo Duran looked made for the central role. Benjamin Nygren grabbed a double. Haissem Hassan had Hearts defenders chasing shadows.

Cameron still could not bring himself to fully give Celtic their due.

He said: “Celtic were lethal in front of goal. They made Osmand look like Mbappé. They made Hassan look like prime Messi.

“But I don’t think Celtic are that great.”

That response will only make Celtic fans enjoy it more.

He even admitted he could not face the second half.

He said: “I said it was embarrassing. I said it was shocking. I was so embarrassed that I left the house after 45 minutes.”

Charters had one more dig waiting.

He said: “Say that seven times for me.”

Celtic did the real damage on the pitch. The STV studio just gave Hoops supporters the post-match entertainment package.

On a weekend when Hearts fell apart at Celtic Park, Cameron’s attempt to talk his way through it was almost as enjoyable as the scoreline itself.