Lisandro Martinez embarrassed himself and pushed Michael Carrick closer to the brink at Manchester United after defeat to Chelsea.

1) In between the snippets of information about the ‘failure’ which prevented a sacking, the ‘productive’ player summit and a potential ‘wider overhaul of senior staff’ at Manchester United, one line was consistent through each story from behind the chaotic scenes this week:

‘Carrick and his players will have the ​opportunity to turn the situation around, with the club focused on preparing for Saturday and showing a response on the pitch.’

And they did. For a time. Until the precise moment they didn’t, at which point the mirage of togetherness immediately crumbled, the crisis deepened and the vocal dissenters suddenly either lost their voice, or simply decided to elevate their protest to a dirty one.

The inevitable complete and utter collapse of the nation’s most mentally weak team in the second half after an impressive first was the most telling ‘response’ Manchester United could have given.

2) Michael Carrick, the studious, diligent, earnest Frank Grimes in a toxic Nuclear Power Plant full of bumbling, obnoxious, idiotic Homer Simpsons, prepared for his upcoming Monday Night Football stint by Speaking Well, I Thought, at half-time.

“We’ve played really well, done a lot of good things,” he said. “We want to make that count. The game’s always in the balance here. We need to take our opportunities. We need a big second half.”

Chelsea, really quite poor for the majority of the first, were ahead within five minutes of the restart. Not a quarter of an hour later, that lead had doubled and Manchester United had a man sent off in the process.

Time for those players to go home to their mansions and eat their lobster while the honest, hard-working and long-suffering Carrick contemplates whether he should reach for the high voltage wires instead of waiting around for the most inexorable of international break sackings.

3) Carrick will and should lament the inherent capriciousness of the game – both this one and the sport itself.

Had Manchester United converted one of their many early chances, that momentum would likely have carried through to victory against a Chelsea side hardly renowned for their resilience.

Amad could not have scored a hat-trick because that isn’t how nonlinear time and entirely hypothetical chain reactions work. But he might have expected to net at least once from such presentable positions.

Bryan Mbeumo set up sizeable opportunities which both Bruno Fernandes and Matheus Cunha wasted, with the Cameroonian not taking the former up when he tried to return the opportunity with a tempting ball across the face of goal.

Cunha had an effort ruled out for offside because Levi Colwill pushed him beyond the last man as he nudged the ball over the line.

Much of this nine-game, sack-inducing winless run has been on Carrick and those above him; this defeat was a specific failure of the players in terms of decisions, execution, and then reaction when the tide started to turn.

4) Chelsea should be thrilled with their lot. The home surrender against Spurs had stunted the mood and losing to Liverpool in the Carabao Cup was only a little less bruising. They desperately needed some good news against a side which beat them twice last season.

The first-half performance was especially poor, but the response to it was swift and encouraging. It was remarkably similar to the win over Everton in the end, which is more damning of the Toffees than it is Manchester United.

5) Xabi Alonso declared Estevao Willian “ready” for his first Premier League start of the season before the game; the teenage Brazilian provided compelling proof in the subsequent hour and a half.

Estevao was arguably the game’s best player, and undoubtedly its most lively. He had six shots, two goals ruled out for offside and three key passes, while mucking in defensively too.

Alonso later revealed he told Estevao after the Spurs defeat that he would be starting against Manchester United, adding: “He has had the best response to show that he deserves more, that he was prepared and that’s what you want from your players.”

Chelsea supporters can be content with their contribution towards The Clamour for a player who won’t be watching from the bench too often again for the foreseeable future.

6) Managers are, of course, absolute sickos and ultimately, Alonso might be as satisfied with Estevao’s obvious room for improvement as he is his absurd ability.

The two disallowed goals underlined the forward’s enthusiasm, both times straying just too far beyond the last man. One counter-attack saw him shoot straight at Senne Lammens from an acute angle when four better-placed team-mates were waiting for a cutback.

That mix of confidence, eagerness and naivety makes him a delightful watch and one of the more effective forwards Chelsea have. Again, fans should be pleased that Estevao’s continued development ought to now take place on the pitch rather than exclusively in training.

7) But the man of the match was Romeo Lavia.

There were three more expensive midfielders on display in Moises Caicedo, Carlos Baleba and Mason Mount, while Andrey Santos cost almost as much. Yet none came close to having the same influence, authority and control over the game as a 22-year-old completing his first 90 minutes in the Premier League since May 2023 – with Southampton.

Lavia was exceptional. It was his tackle on Mbeumo and 50/50 win against Baleba which set Morgan Rogers on his way to score the first goal, the Belgian’s interception and pass which created Estevao’s second disallowed effort, and his tireless work that provided the foundations for a crucial victory.

He made the most tackles (5), line-breaking passes (11) and recoveries (14) of any player, with no-one winning more duels (7).

After playing the full 90 minutes in midweek against Liverpool, and only discovering he was going to start here on Friday because of Jordan Henderson’s illness, Lavia stepped up, on and all over a supposedly rebuilt Manchester United midfield.

8) Baleba, it turns out, was not The Answer.

Manchester United revelled in driving his initial nine-figure price tag down to £65m in the summer, but this was evidence as to why that valuation fell so sharply in his final Brighton season after those Old Trafford links.

Baleba won an entire one duel, losing five, pulling out of the tackle for the first goal and generally evaporating into the ether, his assimilation into the Manchester United culture as impressive as Youri Tielemans’ despite both coming from elite-level operational structures.

One of Baleba’s final acts here was to bring the ball out of defence and hammer a pass – under no pressure – about 20 yards over the head of a surely ironically-clapping Fernandes, before being brought off about a minute later. And he still didn’t make it to the hour mark.

9) The game was not lost at that point. Manchester United were bringing on Kobbie Mainoo as their first substitute and had settled down after conceding literally the most straightforward of goals. This was the time to avoid any stupid mistakes and play their way back in.

Or to pick up a couple of bookings in the space of a few in-game seconds, conceding a penalty in the process and letting his team-mates down in a more existential and absolute way than the side’s technical director ever has.

Lisandro Martinez gave away a free-kick for failing to contain Rogers and fouling him twice in the same phase without actually stopping him, then from one of the resulting corners chucking his arm into the face of Wesley Fofana without once even glancing at the ball.

Jason Wilcox has the chance to do the funniest thing: break his eternal public silence and admit he “expects more” from a World Cup-winning, responsibility-shifting £50m centre-half. It was pathetic defending from a player who patently no longer wants to be there.

10) It was, in fairness, quite the game for that.

In the first half alone, Fofana was twice taken aback by the sheer presence and persistence of Amad. The Manchester United forward robbed the Chelsea defender of the ball on the halfway line but couldn’t get his shot away, then later got in behind him again from a pass Fofana ought to have dealt with easily enough, but Amad shot over.

Never one to be outdone, Harry Maguire then forgot to update his legs’ software and became entangled to the point whereby Pedro Neto stole in and obviously shot wide because those opening 45 minutes were a cursed, goalless mess.

The pure lack of athleticism and agility from two of the four most expensive ever defenders in the history of the entire sport was startling. As is their continued importance to these teams. And Leicester’s financial collapse after collecting £155m for the pair of them.

11) The Rogers goal will take some beating for overall lack of resistance, mind.

He very literally ran in a straight line for about 40 yards and just scored. Santos decided to dress up as a sleeping policeman for Halloween, Maguire and Martinez inexplicably separated – the latter bizarrely so, as the former was at least covering Estevao – and Rogers strolled through before applying a finish absolutely covered in plomb.

It would be a struggle to think of worse collective defending at any level.

12) Peter Schmeichel “put this solely” on Martinez, describing his display as “an absolute disgrace”. And for once from a Ferguson disciple discussing This Is Manchester United Football Club We’re Talking About Here, it was no exaggeration.

Martinez’s defending for the first goal was atrocious. He then gave away the free-kick which led to the corner and subsequent penalty he conceded, leaving his team-mates a player down in the process; Amad, four years his junior and far less experienced, had to usher him away.

He has been culpable for goals scored by Ipswich, Fulham, Spurs, Atletico Madrid, Bournemouth and Chelsea already this season and it isn’t even November yet.

Ally McCoist called it “unacceptable” and “absolutely crazy,” adding: “He’s let everybody down.” Joe Cole said: “In a Man Utd shirt, he’s just at the scene of the crime too often. Whatever the next Man Utd phase is, I think Martinez’s time at the club has run its course.”

It’s no longer possible to argue. And Martinez doesn’t seem to have the will or inclination to do so anymore. The Butcher is broken and at this stage should probably just sue Jamie Carragher.

13) But Martinez did and always will have had a point: Manchester United’s three substitutes at 2-0 down with ten men away from home were Ayden Heaven, Mason Mount and Joshua Zirkzee.

14) Big fan of Lammens seemingly trying to catch Cole Palmer’s penalty, especially as he spent the entire rest of the game parrying shots into dangerous areas with absurd frequency.

15) Mike Penders, by contrast, was excellent in keeping Chelsea’s first home clean sheet in the Premier League since January.

That stoppage-time tip onto the bar from Mbeumo’s thunderous rising drive was outstanding. His response to the Spurs setback, no less so.

16) It is extraordinary INEOS work that, two years ago almost to the day, they were bungling one manager sacking by making an atrocious and short-sighted summer decision, compounded by dreadful transfers, before delaying an inescapable call long enough to destroy another season.

If they do sack him after this, it would be unimprovably Ten Hag-adjacent in light of the harsh defeat at West Ham which sealed the Dutchman’s fate. Back then, Ruben Amorim came in and within a matter of months called this “the worst team in the history of Manchester United“.

If only.